To be Honest...

To be honest, I struggle with finding the right words to describe my thoughts, feelings, and experiences with everything that is happening since the most recently publicized death of George Floyd. I find myself feeling deeply disappointed, saddened, and exhausted at the news of yet another death and continued mistreatment of people of color. I find myself feeling angry, frustrated, and drained over the things I continue to see and hear from both strangers and people I know. 
 
Then I see these rays of hope. I see clients bringing up the topic of racism, asking questions and sharing experiences. I see strangers and those I know making conscious efforts to educate themselves and reflect on their experiences with race, conversation, confrontation and the discomfort. 
 
I am by no means perfect. I recognize that my lighter skin tone and Hispanic background at times has made things easier for me. I recognize that I grew up in an environment where I was made to feel part of the “majority” and not the “minority.” Because of these experiences and my own points of privilege I feel that much more responsible and compelled to speak up and educate where I can. 
 
I’d like to offer a few tips to those of you who also feel compelled to help and support the people of color in your life:
 
1. Focus on empathy.
It’s not about comparing pain. It’s not about sharing your equally painful experiences. In reality it’s about listening and sitting with someone else’s experience and this can be uncomfortable. Most people are taught to avoid pain and uncomfortable conversations instead of learning how to hold the space for others. This is a great area for personal growth. 

2. Validate experiences.
So much of what troubles marginalized communities is the constant minimization or flat out denial of their lived experiences. A little validation can go a long way in helping people of color feel seen and supported.

3. Want to help? Educate yourself!
The responsibility of educating white people does not fall on people of color. People of color have enough things they have to contend with and navigate, so tacking on educating the general public does not reduce stress but creates more of a burden. 

4. As you educate yourself and come across things you don’t quite understand or want to explore further, reach out and ask questions.
Part of learning and growing is making mistakes. It’s like learning a language, the best way to learn is to practice it and ask questions when you are not sure. There will be moments when you will say the “wrong thing” but people will appreciate your conscious effort and hopefully help you through it so you can do better in the future. 

5. Move past the phrase “I don’t see color.” 
I can understand a number of people grew up with this phrase as a way of trying to see and accept people as they are inside. While the sentiment is sweet and the original intention positive, even good intentions can fall flat and cause harm. So let’s learn and grow past this phrase and find better ways to vocalize our support. 

I encourage you to reflect on these suggestions/tips, your feelings, and experiences. I challenge you to take it a step further and make some art about it. You may find yourself struggling to find the right words or feeling overwhelmed or conflicted. As you work through these complex and big feelings in a visual way you might find clarity, peace, or inspiration.

Be safe and be well,

Janette D. M.