Emotions and Parenting

​Emotions run high during the teen years. Most of the things that happen are felt at a ten instead of the five or six they really are. It becomes fairly easy to get sucked into that highly emotional phase in development with your teen. You might find yourself feeling overly empathetic and powerless, becoming anxious or frustrated all the time, and struggling to manage your own complicated feelings about your teen years. 
 
Here are a few questions to ask yourself before you respond to your teen’s comments, experiences, and behaviors: 

1. Is this emotional response I am feeling mine or my teens?
   One way to tell is to think about how you were feeling prior to your teen entering the room/speaking with you/engaging with you. Becoming aware can help you take a step back and respond to your teen versus reacting, which is more impulsive and less thought out. It’s all about keeping healthy boundaries. 
   
   
2. Is what my teen is experiencing triggering any feelings from when I was younger?
   Are you present or are you feeling overly emotional, or detached/distant? If you are not being present, then take some time to process this with someone in your support system or a therapist, so that you may be better able to help your teen. It’s also a good option to seek out someone for your teen to speak with about their concerns if it is something you feel you are not ready to engage with at the moment. 
   
   
3. Am I blaming my teen for my responses/emotions (frustration, anxiety, sadness, etc.)?
   As parents we need to be held responsible for our own emotions if not, we may find ourselves being disempowered and losing further control. Instead let’s acknowledge we have feelings in response to the teen’s actions/behaviors. This is also a great opportunity to model taking responsibility for our emotions and actions because at the end of the day no one can “make” you feel anything. 
   
   
4. When my teen breaks a rule am I focusing on my feelings instead of on my teen’s behaviors?
   Instead let’s try to put our emotional response (disappointment, frustration, surprise, etc.) aside and focus on the teens choices and following through with the consequences. Making sure we are implementing natural consequences, ensures they learn from their mistakes and don’t label themselves as “bad people”, which only leads to shame and bigger problems down the road.  

 
 
While emotions are great, they can get in the way of effective parenting. Considering these questions, and responding versus reacting, can help you get through some tough situations with minimal power struggles. 

Check out my FREE cheat-sheet to learn ways you can help build more self-esteem and confidence in your teen!

Download Cheat-Sheet